jueves, 30 de junio de 2016

SAYINGS, AND PHRASES POPULAR, In English.

Notes:
a) They can send their sayings, famous quotes, proverbs and comments to share the E-mail or e-mail: Amedrondon@gmail.com Tank You.
Please put me your name and country of origin. Thank you so much.

b) And also remember, you can see another group of jokes in my other page Blogger: JOKES, CHISTES, REVIEWS, SPORT, TODAY, AMED. Thank you.
SLOGANS, AND CATCH PHRASES POPULAR

238. The Ant is not to blame, that will leave the uncapped Sugar.

237. The dead gets heavy, when you who loaded.

236. Never get to hug the children, too.

235. The mattresses are more comfortable, away from the phone.

234. If it is problematic in school, so it will be at home.

233. In a significant error, evaluate people for the money they have.

232. Give happiness, it splashed one bounce right.

231. The faces ties, exquisite, are what attract Sauce.
230. Slumps, make you bitter life or make you better.

229. Marriages without children, always know like others, must educate their children.

228. When the person determines what you want in life, asks very little.

227. Children and grandparents, are the best allies.

226. A defeat, does not decide the season.

225. The best reliever in the world, is a quiet, healthy, clean conscience.

224. The most important decision that is taken in life is marriage.

223. No elevator to success, it is better to take the stairs.

222. Hide Charity Act, makes you doubly Generous.

221. Not the best, but it is what it is.
220.- Critics Obvie naysayers to advance. They do not pay attention.

219. Write a paragraph after another, and soon you will have a book.

218. It does not matter that you do not look good, but try to do it.

217. Each step, however small, is an approach to objective.

216. The Good mood reflects Dignity and Superiority of Man, with regard to everything that happens to him.

215. The Satire is a weapon Helpless against the Mighty.

214. Youth it preserved, learning, acquiring good habits, and accepting contradictions.

213. Money talks, but the credit resonates and echoes.

212. The only thing you can manage, control, and enjoy the present.

211. No one can change anyone.
210.- Dancing is the art of drawing music.

209- All teens are stereo types.

208. For cloudy days, sun eyes.

207. A book is the extension of memory, of knowledge.

206. The realities are never complete, always missing.

205. Among the Ceibo, cluttering one Quebracho.

204. I also have yours.

203. The lie has short legs.

202. The only falls, and nobody laughs, is the "Internet".

201. The absence generates estrangement generates oblivion.
200.- Better than a "I love you" is "I put you".

199. Come together, but not stirred.

198. When you want to, understood, understood.

197. If the water to be filtered, we know where it is.

196. The dead will not need candles or the drunk brandy.

195. In the absence of bread, cakes are good.

194. Love hungry, not hard.

Hold 193.- more breath, a diver.

192.- the bar not Check Flowers, does not get the Cigarrón.

191. gift horse, you are not looking fangs.
190. In any place do sergeant

189. A cow does not hinder the horns.

188. Get involved with charity, but not with the Holy.

187. The good listener, few words suffice.

186. By not running, grab him.

185. Do not stretch much rope that bursts.

184.- Alábate chicken stew you tomorrow.

183. Water shalt not drink, let it run.

182. Move over good people, and you'll be one of them.

181. Think before you speak, do not miss that.
180.- No one is bitter sweet.

179. No one is without sin.

178. The cautious people, forearmed.

177.- who snuggles up to good tree, good shade shelters him.

176. Behind gored, bludgeoned.

175. What is pleasing is always good.

174.- The Goat, always strip the bush.

173.- Seeding well, and you will reap good.

172. Love and money, always keep it covered.

171. Go with your music elsewhere.
170.- Go fishing another puddle.

169. When it is bad, everything goes wrong.

168. For a good rider, a good horse.

167.- speaks more than a muddy Parrot.

166. To land you go, do what they do.

165.- Adapt to the environment.

164. Who give not choose.

163. You can not demand rights, who do not.

162. A foolish words, deaf ears.

161. Although the pig is white, black pudding is always black.
160.- The old dog, late cast.

159. More comfortable, a dog Big House.

158. More faithful than a dog ranch.

157. The Chief is the Chief.

156. The Moor oaf bongo, even the pattern.

155.- Advance like a crab.

154.- Hold wall, that what comes is the sledgehammer.

153. The retaining, always he maintained.

152. Do not think that the Moon is a bread oven.

151.- is taking, who hurts.
150.- saw got stuck.

149. To bad weather, good face, always.

148.- Tuck you far as you reach the blanket.

147.- suppress freedom, to promote equality, will run out of both.

146.- Respects and considers older people, older.

145.- Punctuality is art, gift, those who wait.

144. Power to grow old in good health, without conditions, or worse, that's wealth.

143. Let it be clear that the person is not governed, governs your body.

142. Everything happens for a reason.

141. Not to have everything to be happy, we must be happy with what you have.
140.- The true wealth is good health. Let us beware.

139.- The real wealthy are really simple and humble people.

138.- Arrogance is to try to show that it has, which has not yet been achieved.

137. Not to win every argument, sometimes you have to agree to disagree.

136. Gross does not learn to be smart, and intelligent does not learn to be rough.

135.- To err is human, but to blame the other, is more than human.

134.- Whoever has something to say, be silent.

133.- The hard part is easy, the impossible costs a little more.

132. Nothing comes only there to make the conditions for it to arrive.

131. Doing things right, in the best way, has its benefits.
130. When falling, only turn to stop, dust yourself off, and on.

129. Al fallen tree, do not give her feet.

128. If you can not change something, learn to live with it.

127. The potbellied born or what Fagen Wrap Little.

126. The tail of straw that has not snuggles up to the fire.

125.- tree born crooked never straightens its trunk.

124. Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are.

123. Though you silk, mona you stay.

122. For big ant, the goat.

121. Never say this water I will not drink.
120. Love your neighbor as yourself.

119. Do not do what you do not like to do.

118. Do good without looking at who.

117- When one is wrong, even the dogs urinate.

116. Do not get so high that the blow will be harder.

115. You got what you get.

114.- reap what you sow.

113.- Treat others as you would like them to treat you.

112. No one is more than can be.

111. To the best hunter goes the hare.
110.- The Devil knows more for that old devil.

109. He who sows wind, storms grown.

108.- No one is more than another, if he does nothing.

107.- God hangs himself but not depressed.

106. Always go the right way.

105. When the river sounds stones brings.

104. Do not give fish, teach him to fish.

103.- Give good examples to children, and they will learn.

102. Of the thorns out roses.

101. The waiting how much, how little wait.
100.- Administered well in good, for difficult times.

99. Take good care of the meek, the brave and know.

98. Stay away from dirty water, do not go to splash.

97. Help to help you.

96. Consider your fellows.

95.- When the poor lava, rain.

94. After the sun goes down, the breeze dry clothes.

93.- The Eagles do not hunt flies.

92. Humility and patience are good companions.

91.- At home blacksmiths, stick the knife is.
90. He who kills iron to iron dies.

89. Who likes to sing, suffer less.

88.- Boy is not great people.

87. Do not look 5 foot cat.

86.- Calm you look better.

85. Do not make that inventors are complete.

84.- No wrinkle that no one planche.

83. Let the water run their course.

82.- Water shalt not drink, let it run.

81. No you can fall well to everybody.
80. Respects to respect you.

79. Call all by name.

78.- When bread bread and wine wine.

77. The much does not catch anything.

76. It slips in the dry, and runs in the wet.

75.- To divine God, and wise Solomon.

74. Think before you speak.

73. When you see your neighbor's beard burn, put yours to soak.

72. Do not get in trouble, so that problems do not show up.

71.- God takes but does not forget.
70. He who is without sin cast the first stone.

69. He who does not care what you have to ask stays.

68.- If I tell you to get the umbrella, it is raining.

67.- Nothing matter what anything costs.

66.- After eye out, not worth Santa Maria.

65. In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.

64. Whoever gives and takes, the Devil visit.

63.- Nobody is a prophet in his own land.

62.- If cooking as you walk, I like to broach.

61. Last time, it is past.
60. One day is not eaten, save.

59. Everything new is well.

58. The early bird God helps.

57. The early bird catches clear water.

56.- old hens give good stock.

55. To all pig eventually meets its end.

54. At that keeps you always have something.

53. Do not dress you will not.

52. Be still colt.

51. Take care to last.
50.- After the storm comes the calm.

49. The sun shines for everyone.

48.- Everything passes, nothing is eternal.

47.- Nothing happens, not going to happen.

46. ​​All achievements, have had work.

45.- God protects who work well.

44.- Nobody lacks God.

43.- Hey advice, so you get old.

42. In the end, life goes on.

41. The only problem unresolved, is death.
40. Be kind to all children, they are innocent.

39. Harming a child has no forgiveness.

38. Birds of a feather flock together.

37. Learn to live with what we can not change.

36. When born to hammer nails sky will fall.

35. If you fall from heaven lemons, make lemonade.

34. Treat well, open doors.

33.- The road is long, do not waver.

32.- Slowly, to get away.

31. God rewards the Constancy.
30. It was not even to tie a rooster.

29. Seeking God by the branches.

28. If you have pig's ear, pig's tail and pig's head must be a pig.

27. You must have your saved Binder.

26. It has a card up his sleeve.

25. There must dance music is playing.

24.- Look no straw in your neighbor's eye, take the log out of your own.

23. Do not get in deep, if not swim.

22.- Let still, what is still.

21. Looking for a needle in a haystack.
20. Better a bird in the hand than a hundred flying.

19.- going to tell sand on the beach.

18. If you are unfamiliar herbs, does not get a healer.

17. Things are as they are, if not, are not.

16.- pull up the grill for her.

15. Whoever wants to kiss, looking mouth.

14. Goat caring garden.

13.- caring Zamure meat.

12. He who seeks finds.

11. Big boat ship is safe.
10. In the case the passenger is removed.

9. God did not give chub on the donkey.

8. God knows what he did.

7. the still water, save me God.

6. Never too late if that is good.

5. A day without laughter is a day wasted.

4. Losing one night, it is to lose one day.

3. Drunk and boy is the same, always talk about more.

2. The weeping boy, mom and pinches.

1. When the pig is fat, even the tail is pork rinds.

Notes:
a) They can send their sayings, famous quotes, proverbs and comments to share the E-mail or e-mail: Amedrondon@gmail.com Tank You.
Please put me your name and country of origin. Thank you so much.

b) And also remember, you can see another group of jokes in my other page Blogger: JOKES, CHISTES, REVIEWS, SPORT, TODAY, AMED. Thank you.

JOKES DRUNK, In Englisk.

Notes:
a) Please can you send your jokes to share the E-mail or e-mail: Thank Amedrondon@gmail.com.
I will respect the name of the joke, and please put me the country of origin. Thank you so much.

b) Also remember, you can see another group of jokes in my other page Blogger: JOKES, CHISTES, REVIEWS, SPORT, TODAY, AMED. Thank you.

JOKES DRUNKARD
70.- The Drunk reviewing Trash.
A Lady, who trying to grab a garment, the clothesline, falls on the second floor, and falls into the dumpster, and is faint. And a drunkard who comes to review the Trash, for getting there useful, go to the swooning woman, gets to touch it everywhere, and says God, but if this woman is still good, then Drunk cleared as Container could, and went with the woman on the shoulder.

69.- The Drunken Monster.
A Borracho is urinating on the Plaza, and passes a lady, and says that Barbaro, who Beast, Brutus, that animal, and tells the Drunkard: quiet lady, pass, pass, and I will have grasped

68.- The Drunk on the Country.
A Drunk is urinating on the Country, and a policeman comes up to him, and says that if you are very nice, and answers the Drunkard: and that you have not seen it quite Talcum, Mr. Police. 

67.- The Drunkard and the Keys.
A Drunk Early morning comes to your door, find the key, try to open the door, and the door does not open, and so continues to insist until a policeman arrives and says happens Citizen ?, and Drunk replied: nothing, sir Police, is that this is my home and I'm opening the door with the key, and the door will not open, and tells the police: but that is no key, sir, that's a suppository, and he tells the Drunkard: but by God, then where have brought them the key?

66.- The Drunk and Son.
A Child tells another that his dad comes every night to join many drinks, and the other responds, and that's why friend, drink a lot ?, and the Child answers: no, it is that brings them the Bar , the Tavern.

65.- The Drunk seeing double.
A drunk goes to the Doctor all bruised and battered, and says he came seeing double, he saw coming two bulls and had two windows, and the Doctor says, but good, and that has to do with his punches? , I explain Doctor, I just threw it out the window that was not, and the bull ran over me if it was.

64.- The Drunk Hungry.
A drunk sees a baby sucking his titty to her mother and says, hey buddy, let's change the food, I bring here some spaghetti.

63. The Monster and the Monstrua.
He comes the monster and tells the Monstrua: we will make an eyesore, and the Monstrua responds: I can not, I have the monstruatión.

62.- The Drunk Gay.
At a meeting of Drunken one of them he says: I would like to be Gay, and the others respond: you are stupid ?, Gay ?, Fool ?, Madman ?, or bites you back ?, and says Drunk: Fuck, but if they do requirements needed to get to Gay.

61.- Drunken Association.
Successfully you can say that has created the Association of Popular Drunk; that is, if someone does not want to drink, they go and offer few drinks, until you pass discouragement, until you remove it.

60. Gay in Switzerland.
A gay goes stroll through the Swiss Alps, and see a sign that says Snow conditions:
Neuchatel. 14 cms, soft
Lausanne. 19 cms, slippery
Sachauffhausen: 15 cms, solid.
And then the Gay, lets written underneath:
PEPE: 20 cms, and hard as stone.

59.- The Drunk and The Lady Dear.
The Drunk dawn arrives and the Wife says, it's time to get, drunk, that's for sure that you were with The Dear Lady, and answers the Drunkard: Dear Lady No, I love Her.

58.- A Drunk on a bridge.
A Drunk on a bridge watching the river shouting a whale, a whale. And a man who passed says, sir, how will it be a whale in a river? And the drunk replies: Yes, there are two cans of beer and a full.

57. Wine is Sacred.
Question: If someone came to this world and do not drink wine, what wine? I say.

56.- Carnival and Easter.
Say that Carnival and Easter will sell necessities hotels. If they see there.

55.- El Borracho and stroke.
A Borracho going to his house at dawn a hit with a pole is given and says: I still missing two shots to reach the house.

54.- The Drunk and Ugly Lady.
A Drunken man tells a Woman: Ugly Lady Farewell, brave Woman turns and says: and your, Drunk, and the Drunk man says: yes, but I removed myself tomorrow.

53.- The Drunk Indian.
A Drunk is driving a vehicle, the arrow is eaten and crashes. The Police asked: him if he did not see the arrow? And the Drunkard replied: If I saw that the Indian threw me.

52. Drive carefully.
If they will not ingest liquor drive vehicles, and if they are going to drink alcohol, they call me.

51.- The Drunk do not go.
A Drunk walks past a wake and listen to some girls crying and screaming: do not go, do not go, do not go, and the Drunk says: of course I'm selfish, here do not give Liquor to one.
  
50. The Drunk in the wake.
A Drunk guy goes to a Funeral Urn and, seeing the deceased begin to say: we are nothing, we are nothing, we are nothing. A Mourner of the deceased, approached him and said to him: Sir, that the deceased was you? No, I am saying Nothing, we are nothing.

49.- feel full.
Notice to all persons having a vacuum: they can go through the brewery to buy it or exchange it for a full one.

48.- The Drunk in the Church.
A Drunk stops at the door of the church and the priest, pointing to he says, for you I was crucified, the drunk stops at another door and again the priest points out and says for you was tortured, and the drunkard is going to another part of the Church and to move his hands the priest moves the candelabra and nearly burning the Christ, and says the drunkard: Aha, Aha, not that I.

47. The Drunk and Child.
A drunkard enters the church, stands before God and says: friend help me, I need. The priest sees this and behind the Holy lets you drop a few coins. The drunkard got used, always he came. The priest thought: No. Up Here. He removed God and put the baby Jesus. He reached the drunk already used to, does not see God but the baby Jesus and tells the child: friend, your dad would not let me coins you?

46. ​​The Drunk and back.
A drunkard touches the back of a lady and she turns and says. You will be wrong. And the drunk says, I'm not gonna say that I was not touched you back.

45.- The Drunk and Old Lady.
A Drunkard hear a little old lady telling another: no girl there, the Lord has not called me, and the drunk replies, pussy, it has to be that busy.

44.- The Drunk Home.
A Drunkard goes home at dawn, he sits down to rest and see that all the Houses you pass through the front, then says: I will wait out the mine Huose.

43. The Drunkard and the Cura.
A Drunkard tells the priest: Father, it is you who turns away women of bad life.? And the Father says, that's my son. A good, apárteme 3 for Saturday.

42.- The ideal situation.
The ideal situation is to have women that your wife thinks you have, have the money that everyone thinks you have, be as good as it should be.

41.- A Thief in the Restaurant.
A Thief enters a Restaurant and says this is a Holdup, and for a Client account-Facture with your bill in hand and says this too.
40.- The Drunk and Ice.
A Drunk Ron hears the Ice damages the liver, the Wisky Ice damages the kidneys, the White Cane Ice damages the Brain and says: I do not drink more Liquor with ice, I'll drink dry.
.
39.- Wife Motorized.
A guy tells another that his Wife spends with a motor, and the guy replies, but you have not noticed if you use the Helmet, please, that anguish.

38. Drunk or alcoholic.
Some people prefer not to be famous drunks and alcoholics anonymous.

37.- The Drunk for Help.
A guy tells another: friend help me, my wife now goes from bar to bar, and the other says, and why? Looking for me.

36.- The Invisible Man.
The Invisible Man looking for a transparent woman to do some things unseen.

35.- Three Kings Magicians.
Hi, I'm Melchor, I'm back nothing of drunkenness I grabbed yesterday with Balta and Gaspy. The camels we went with some donkeys. I do not think it arrive on time. But just in case, Happy Three Kings Day.

34. Liquor is not good.
When you go to leave the liquor, take me your bottles for my home.

33.- The Drunk and Orange Juice.
A Drunk sees that comes a Lady with very Large Breasts, and intercepts it and asks, excuse me Miss, please, I could tell which of the two Cylinders is the Orange Juice ?.

32. The Drunkard and the Procession.
A Drunk sees the Procession of a Saint, and decides to help load, in that the Priest says: my children, there's hope in Paradise, and the drunk replies: No Friend, came to the next corner.

31. A Drunk Hungry.
A Drunk see a Child sucking Boob a your mother, and says: Hey, let's change Little Friend, food, I've been here a Big Soup.
30.- A Drunkard in the Container of Trash.
A Drunkard gave him want to do Poop. It was getting to a dumpster, pants and interiors are low and climbing to the Container of Trash falls asleep. That spend another Drunks and when they see it, they say: Who will be launched that Rear, ass, I'll take me is mine.

29. The Drunk English.
A Drunken insistently touches the door of a house in the Early morning, and nobody attends because they were sleeping. Soon he touched again and again nobody attend, all sleeping. Soon returns to play and leaves the master of the house brave and says: happens friend why bother now? Excuse me sir, I come to ask if this is where they need someone who "speaks English"? If this is why, sir? And the drunk says: No, to tell you not tell me because I do not know Nothing, any English.

28.- The Drunken liar.
A Drunk was at a wake near the casket crying and shouting, why you take her to her? Take me. And that would repeat at every moment. That death appears to him and says, if you want me to take you, let's get drunk and then answers: You know that Drunk will not ignore.

27. A Drunk in Cockfight.
A Man enters a cockfight and wanted to bet all the money he had, and a drunkard asks: what was the good Cock, to bet all the money you brought? And the Drunk replied that the Cock Zambo was good. The Man will effectively bet everything brought to Cock Zambo. When you start the fight Cock Zambo ran across the court and the other rooster behind him until the other Cock caught and finished fast with the Cock Zambo and Man lost all the money and goes and asks the Drunkard that why she had told him that the Cock Zambo was good if it did not last all, and the Drunk replied: that he had asked the Cock Well, you not by Cock more Worse.

26 The Drunk and the Cab Door.
A drunkard into a taxi and trying to close the door, it would not close, try to close it again and would not close, then tells the driver: Hey Sir, taxi driver because this door will not close? The cabbie turns around and looks to see because they closed the door and says, but gets his foot, how will close if you're outside.

25.- The Drunk and Bat-Man.
A Drunk runs behind a person who has a coat and says: Please, I need your help, it is you who defends the defenseless and helpless Burglars? And he answered: No sir, I am a Nun of Charity, and the Drunk says, oh sorry, I thought he was Bat-Man.

24. Judas in the Desert.
Walking on a long journey, Jesus tells his disciples: My children, take every man a stone which consider the size of your sins and carry it on his shoulders in this holy pilgrimage. All disciples took a great stone, and set it as Jesus, Judas only took a stone that fit in the pocket of his robe and so followed the long road said. Coming to a river on the way, the disciples said to Jesus, Master, take water from the river but shall we eat? And Jesus answers them that the stone bring them become Instant Pan everyone ate a big piece of bread which had become his stone them.. A Judas course, he had to ask for more bread to others. To follow the way, Jesus tells them: Children, take again another stone and carry it on their proportional love with me shoulders. This time Judas took a stone of a very large size, almost could not go on the road with her. Having walked a very long way, and Judas almost could not continue the way and tells Jesus: Father, we will do with the stone we carry on our shoulders now, when the convert? And Jesus answers: No, nothing. Not remember you. They brought a stone, no no, let go of that already.

23. A Drunk with Defects.
A Drunk guy with some Little Defects and Notorious malformations, in your body, goes into a Bar and says to the Bar-man: please, pour me a Drink. The Bar-man gives the Drink, he takes everything at once and the Drunk says: friend, this drink miss me lose the body, and the Bar-man replied. No friend, you came with your body, I do not want any trouble .

22. The Chinese Tourist.
A Chinese Tourist has to Hungry but do not know the Language and did not know order, enters a Restaurant and see a man who is going to do, it is placed alongside and as the Lord says: give me a soup, Chinese says: me too, Mr. notices and says: bread you give me, and the Chinese repeated to me also, Mr. gets upset and says, and give me a Poop of this size, and says the Chinese: I no longer want more nothing, Enough so.

21. A Drunk in New York.
A Borracho reaches his people from New York and a friend asks you found it there in the north? And he answers: Hey boy, that over there is very nice, but there were 2 things I did not like, the first is the racial discrimination that there is very unfair, these swarthy they not deserve to be treated that way, and second worth, is that wherever one gets it is pure black, pure black, friend.
20.- The Drunk leaving the Church.
A Drunk will go to church and listen when the Priest says. And because of you, killed him and then the Drunk is returned and out of the church a little rushed and see a little old lady next coming and says: lady, you better not enter in there because they killed someone.

19. A Drunk at Mass.
A Drunk is listening to Mass and when the priest says: Christ comes, the Drunkard replied: that does not come, and the priest repeats, God does come, and repeats the Drunkard: that does not come, the priest gets upset and says: call the police to bring this disturbing, and says the Drunk: that if it comes, I go.

18.- The Drunk on the Bus.
A Drunk enters a bus very early in the morning and says kindly: Very Good morning to all, and no one answers, as was wrong gas in the stomach let out a gas very freely and instantly all aboard the bus told him all kinds of insults by wrongdoing, and says the drunkard is that I thought there was nobody here.

17. Borrowed money.
A Drunk is asking you to another borrowed money and he tells you that is not going to take a long time with borrowed money and he replies: Do not worry about it, and I will spend it.

16.- The Drunk in the Bathroom.
The Drunk gets to bed at dawn and tells his wife: Hey mom, I've been crazy, I went to the toilet to urinate and the light went on alone, and the woman responds, and you peed in the fridge.

15.- The Drunk Pepe.
A drunk comes home in the morning and the lady asks where it comes Pepe, and the drunk replied: where is coming Pepe, and thou must know, that knows everyone, Pepe comes from name Jose.

14. The Drunkard and the Lady.
A Drunk is urinating in the street and passes a lady and says that beast, that Animal, that Horror, that Monster, and the Drunk replied: pass quiet lady, who got caught.

13.- The Drunk dawn.
A Drunk goes home at dawn and police stops him and asks where he is going? And the Drunk replied that was a talk of irresponsibility, bad examples, and alcohol abuse, and tells the police: and who will give that talk, and the drunk replies, my lady.

12- Drunkenness.
A drunken man tells another that he has a talking duck, and the other is surprised and tells him he can not be, and he replied: let's go home for you to see. Arriving at the house out the duck and the drunk says, find me shoes, and the duck says quack, quack, and the drunk replies, which will be the usual ones, those who are under the bed.

11. Between Drunks.
They are two drunks drinking and one says to the other: hear compadre, it is better that you not follow more drinking because it's getting very blurred..
10. The Brawny and coffee.
The Brawny, and looking Crazy, very decent, and respectful burly comes to a Small Cafe and tells the waiter: please an Small Coffe, and ordered Innkeeper: get a Small Coffe for the Lady.

9. A Child asking.
The Child asks dad: Dad, as you know when a person is Drunk? And the father replied: Come here my son, listen to, when a person is Drunk is already seeing double, I'll explain, you see those two women who come there? And the child answers: what two dad, if only comes.

8. The Nice Drunk.
A drunk asks another why he liked so much drink liquor to get drunk, and the other replied that he is so he feels more handsome, more interesting, more beautiful, and then the other friend says, and how do you know you you wear those forms ?, and drunk says, that's for sure friend, notice that when I get to my home drunk my wife says to me very nice.

7. Physical Drunk.
In a gathering drunken, all discussed their knowledge, their logic, their skills, in that interrupts one of them and says: Let's see how much you know: tell me, which is faster between the speed of light and desire shitting ?, in that is created in the table an environment of questions and landing nets account and get the most physical of all and explains that he should be the speed of light because it travels not know how many light years second and so on, and the drunk intercepts it and says, and stop talking friend, you are mistaken, I mean, once I felt like shit and went to the bathroom and as I turned on the light was already cagao.

6. Drunken for the House.
They are two drunks taking in the morning and one says to the other: Friend, come to my house to keep taking there, and the other says no, better let's get to the mine and continue on mine, then they go walking and get a house you say, here is mine, go in, and says the other: how than yours, this is mine, let's go in and knock on the door and leaves the lady and says now if it is true, very nice father and son taking brandy together.

5. The Drunkard and the clown.
A Drunk comes home all full of lipstick everywhere and the woman asks, and that painting, that you were drunk ?, and replied: no, nothing Mommy, is that I fell to death with a clown.

4. When you're stuck Drunk.
A drunk asks another: Hey friend, you when you get to your home drunk your wife does not hit you ?, and the other responds, not a friend, it makes me like the exorcist, and the other says, and how that ?, and he replies: well, she gives me a sermon and I come and vomiting.

3. The Drunken wants out.
A Drunk riding in a Taxi in the morning and tells the taxi driver to take you to a place where Women want to leave, then the driver took him to the "Women's Prison".
2. THE BIGGEST PARTY EVER TOLD. Story.
One day God woke up very happy and excited, with good humor, well trained, how easy it showed, and to celebrate that fact that made Millennia not happen, decreed that day a General Party, and the celestial country holding it was a fact.
Knowing what decreed by the Eternal Father himself, friends of Hell, coleados were introduced. The first to arrive was the devil, as always, disguised with a very beautiful wig, but grabbed Luke had just happened. He had not even realized what happened, when it strikes a great whoop and a horrible curse, was that the Holy in question already had submitted. And the Devil said: this action is very maluca, because not let him go, he told the annoying San Lucas Diablo.
I'll try to give you an idea of ​​what was experienced that day in Heaven:
Except the Devil, it is understood that all up there were Santos.
There were couples of Santos, which were started only when the Party, not later.
Gregory, could not stop, the revelry was total,
Peter, Paul, Chucho, Jacinto, and Joseph, playing dominoes,
Matthew had a sore finger,
Santa Catalina, and Santa Guillermina: eating catalinas, and tangerines, and dancing like chickens, and when I was thirsty, came and drank water in a pimpina,
Santa Teresa: left nothing on the table,
Santa Genoveva: telling another: drink, drink,
San Genovevo: if he said no, I do not drink,
St. Barnabas if saying, 'if I go baby,
San Angulo: there was nowhere to sit,
San Cayetano: with an itchy arm,
Santa Filomena: it was her best, looked like a baby,
San Pancrasio walked so full of everything, that sickening,
San Patricio: the face very serious and very decent,
St. Jude: throwing joke and joke,
San Tomé: passing with coffee,
Santa Ana de Barbanolas: was up to his ears,
Santa Maria Magdalena: all tousled his hair.
San Federico just shouted: 'this if you are rich !!!,
San Luis: doing something in the bathroom.
San Gerund: up and down with San Abundio,
San Apascacio: nobody paid attention,
Santa Ruperta: all stop party was in the bathroom, at the door,
San Augusto: giving taste,
San Ramiro: he stated: "I did not look nearly"
Santa Prudencia: always very cautious,
Santa Rosa was with some roses,
Holy Mary, and I had not tasted any food.
And the Devil said again: this joke is very maluca for the next I do not return or invite me, this happened to me, nobody resists. No one was spared in the celebration, it was fun. In the end, nobody wanted to leave. When you finish this Pachanga so fine, they all went to the corner where there was a cantina. And later, more calmly, all they relaxed their souls, blessings they lay, and said that the next "cocktail party" is not lost, that would be there. So it is demonstrated friends, to celebrate a good day, without so many mysteries and dissimulation, we all enjoy, not to spoil ourselves.
1. THE END OF THE FIRST MILLENNIUM. Story.
The End of the First Millennium (Year 1000 d / C) of the Christian era.
As the end of the year 2000 for the year end there were many questions, doubts, fears, and is logical since everyone has not lived those mentioned dates.
As we all know, there are true laity, and also people who actually attend Mass on Sundays, and even many others participate in religious celebrations, processions, with steadfastness and adherence to them. Really the minority group.
Also there is another vast majority will only masses for any need, christenings, weddings, first communions, etc., and we can give a reasonable idea, family, celebration, drinks.
And so, there is another group, perhaps the majority, who did not go to church, but he was taken to christen loaded, and there is what they know of Christianity.
It happens that by the end of the first millennium, not known for certain whether the world would still spinning, if continue life on earth, or would the Day of Judgement.
So in this case it is waiting and everyone turned Layman. Actually in the Church at 12.oo night December 31 of the year 1000, there was only space in the Pulpit, and very little, so that the priest gave New Year's Mass.
The old women and old folks who are really always in church, listening to their masses, had no place for that moment in the house of God. As well accustomed girls in this sense, either.
Drunks, vagrants, tramps and vagabonds, atheists, everyone was at the forefront of the Church.
Everyone wanted to save.
There was no one else. It was impossible to enter the Church. Only the curate, and that because it has an access to the rectory.
Friends, and we live the end of the year 2000, and we have an idea of ​​what was experienced at the end of the year 1000, we expect that if we have the opportunity to be at the end of the year 3000, we will not make a painful spectacle.
Avoid problems and races last minute are Christians, do good and do not look at who.
Bye.

Notes:
a) Please can you send your jokes to share the E-mail or e-mail: Thank Amedrondon@gmail.com.
I will respect the name of the joke, and please put me the country of origin. Thank you so much.

b) Also remember, you can see another group of jokes in my other page Blogger: JOKES, CHISTES, REVIEWS, SPORT, TODAY, AMED. Thank you.

JOKES SHORT, In English.

Notes:
a) Please can you send your jokes, or jokes to share the E-mail or e-mail: Amedrondon@gmail.com Tank You. Thank you.
I will respect the name of the joke, and please write the name of the country of origin. Thank you so much.

b) Also remember, you can see another group of jokes in my other page Blogger: JOKES, CHISTES, REVIEWS, SPORT, TODAY, AMED. Thank you.

SHORT JOKES "AMED".
208. Gay Laboratory.
A Gay goes to Medlab, to take a stool tests, and the Doctor asks: Hey Young, and you did not bring the Gay ?, and Lee responds, but Doctor, I came for you to take out me.

207. Cops in Trouble.
Two Police men call the Central Command, to report that a lady just killed her husband because the husband happened, when she was wiping the floor with the Coleto, and Central Command asked the police: but you already nabbed Mrs. ?, and respond Cops: No my Commander, we are still waiting, for the floor to dry.

206. Frauds.
We thank all citizens, be very careful with Internet purchases, a citizen who paid a lot of money for a device that will enlarge your Organo male, what they did reach his home was a magnifying glass.

205. Eighteen.
One Lord, who is walking near a hospital Locos, listen to within the hospital, all are laughing, and are shouting: eighteen, eighteen, eighteen, and the man, who wants to know what It is happening within the hospital, and looks out through a small hole in the wall, and feel that you pricked one eye and returning to laugh uproariously, and start screaming: Nineteen, Nineteen, Nineteen.

204.- Tenorio.
Two men are talking, infidelities another coworker, who have much luck with the ladies, which is very enamorador, in the office, and one of them says:
Hey friend, do not know how you can be so lucky that guy, all I could do behind my wife, is turning up the end of her dress.

203. Manolo, you and I it is.
The wife asks Manolo: man, you and me who are we? And Manolo answers: Hey woman, so those pronouns, host.

202.- Riding Hood and the Wolf.
Riding Hood goes through the woods and meets the Wolf, and he says, hey Riding Hood, I'll give a kiss where no one has thought give it before, and answers Riding Hood: then will I you going to give in the Basket.

201. Argentine and Premature Babies.
An Argentine asks another: Hey hey, why is it that here in Argentine exist many Premature Babies? And the other responds: Che tell you, is that neither mothers endure us.
200.- Car Christians.
A guy tells another: Hey friend, this is my vehicle all religious experience every day, and the other asks, and because that, my friend? And he says the other: is that every day I have to be praying to boot.

199. Pepe and Manolo.
Pepe tells Manolo: Manolo Hey, can you tell me what day it is today? And Manolo responds, let me ask my wife, Pepe Woman, quediesoy? And the woman answers: what you are is a good for nothing.

198. Wife quality.
The wife tells the husband: Daddy, lay the child and have already put the chicken in the oven, and the husband responds: but if I saw the chicken in the cradle, turn the oven off, coooño.

197. At the Bank.
A guy comes to Ophthalmologist and says hear Doctor, I think I'm not seeing well, I think I need a pair of glasses, and answers the Doctor: friend, I think it is true that, because this here is a bank.

196. Galicians in Massage.
A Galician comes home and asks massage masseur: hear man, how much they cost ?, massage and the masseur responds: hear friend, that depends on time, and tells Galician: say the weather is rainy .

195. Wife Deaf.
A man tells his wife: Hey Mom, if I give it a shot, you feel it? And the wife replied: of course I'm sorry, Daddy, I'm not deaf.

194. No and None. Dilemma.
None nobody and built a house and placed two windows, nobody stood at the window and nothing stood in the other window, say You, who stayed in? I hope to answer. (Solution at the end).

193.- Galician in the Bank.
A Galician enters a bank with a tiny kitten and tells other customers: gentlemen, I'm stealing, give me everything you have if you do not want to squeeze the trigger.

192. Tooth and Elephanta.
A little mouse was trying to make love to a Elephanta, in that you drop a coconut on the head to Elephanta and it says Ay, and says the little mouse: already are beginning to suffer, sabrosota.

191. Speaking languages.
As it stated in German Bus? Wring.
190. Speaking Languages.
How Corruption is said in Chinese? Scam.

189. Shoe borrowed.
A lady explains to another, that organ size of men was similar, proportional to the size of their shoes, and then this lady, when her husband comes home, tells you: you will eat "shoe provided "?

188.- Old Man in Pharmacy.
An old man comes to the pharmacy and ask a Viagras, and the pharmacist asks if he brought the recipe, and the old man replies, the récipe not, but if the enfermito suit.

187. Drunk hungry.
A Drunk sees a baby sucking his titty to her mother and says, hey buddy, let's change the food, I bring here some spaghetti.

186. The Monster and the Monstrua.
He comes the Monster and tells the Monstrua: we will make an eyesore, and the Monstrua responds: I can not, I have the Monstruation.

185.- Alzahimer. Dilemma. (In Spanish).
To find out if you suffer from Alzahimer, complete the following words:
C__ LO, P___TAS, S___XO, P___NE, TE___AS. I hope to answer. (Solution at the end).

184. The bride to the groom.
The bride tells her boyfriend: I would like to have your face, your eyes, your nose, your hair, your mouth, and says groom: and for that? And the bride responds: is that it comes a costume party, to scare people.

183. Drunk Gay.
At a meeting of Drunken one of them he says: I would like to be Gay, and the others respond: you are stupid ?, marico ?, gafo ?, Loco ?, or bites you back ?, and says Borracho: coooño, but if they do requirements needed to get to Gay.

182. Fruits. Dilemma. (In Spanish).
In these words is the name 7 fruits, hállalos:
Asfer, Ripchata, Helzaco, Monil, Abaguay, Jaranna, Cobaquerial.
I hope to answer. (Solution at the end).

181. Learning English.
A guy asks another: Hey friend, please, you know ?, English and the other responds, of course yes, tell me you want to know ?, and tells the type ah well, it says here: I am .? And the other responds: friend, says there 1 am.
180.- In English class.
The Teacher tells Louie: Let's see Louie, please tell me a sentence with the word memory? Scare Me mory, teacher, and Louie says.

179.- The Old Man Pissing.
An old man is urinating and says, you realize friend, when you feel like, I if you do case.

178. The Old Lady to Old Man.
At dawn, the old lady tells the old man: Hey old, your little device is as good bread, the old man is content and says, as that is old, warm, and tells the old lady: nothing like that, never it gets hard.

177. The Invisible Man.
The Invisible Man looking for a transparent lady to make things unseen.

176. The Child and the Devil.
A Child sees the unemployed Devil in a corner and says hear sir, you are married ?, and Devil answers: please Child, do not be stupid, I'm the Devil, I'm not married, and tells the child : and then those horns, are ornamental Bastard.

175.- Louie classes.
The teacher asks Louie: Louie, if I say I'm enjoying tell me where the subject is ?, and Louie responds: must be above his master, there is no other.

174.- Drunken Association.
Successfully you can say that has created the Association of Popular Borrachos; that is, if someone does not want to drink, they go and offer few drinks, until you pass discouragement, until you remove it.

173.- Playing Ladies.
Two ladies are intimidating, and suddenly a tells the other: Mommy, Mommy, look, the cachapa came a jojoto.

172.- Marrying Girl. Dilemma.
What is the longest and ugly you see a girl when she marries? I hope to answer. (Solution at the end).

171.- whiny chick.
A chick comes crying and another asks you why you cry, my friend ?, and he answers: no, is that my mom left yesterday with some friends for a boiled and has not returned any.
170. Speaking Languages.
How Plagiarism is said in Chinese? Telescope.

169. Seeing your wife.
A friend tells another: Hey friend, yesterday I saw your wife, and the other responds, what ?, and the friend says, and what, you must have already more than a Viking horns, climbed up a deer, and with pockets full of snails.

168. The Drunk and dear.
Drunk dawn arrives and the wife says, it's time to get, drunk, that's for sure that you were with dear, and answers the Drunkard: dear no, I love her.

167. Mr. and time.
A guy tells a lord, please Lord, give me time with everything and watch.

166. Passengers on the plane.
Passengers on a plane were so distracted with good movie they were watching, that no one noticed when they crashed.

165. Intelligence. Dilemma. (In Spanish).
Let's see how smart you are agile: NOTE, BLUSH, GLORIA, PRICE, TRIBUNO, neuralgic. In each word is the name of an animal. I hope to answer. (Solution at the end).
Shoemakers

164.- Galicians.
Some Galicians shoemakers heard that the best shoes were the crocodile, and then went hunting crocodiles to see which one had the best shoes.

163. On the Day of the Innocents.
On the day of the Innocents, a man says to another: Happy Day of Fools, dear great friend, because you have nothing Inocent.

162. The girl at the Pharmacy.
A girl in the pharmacy asks for a condom because he no longer wanted to have more dolls.

161. The Nun and the Child.
A Nun had a Child without being defrocked, and said not to have sin because she only had risen.
160.- An Explanatory Mother.
Mom tells her daughter that sex-addicted women were Nymphos, and tells her daughter at school because then the school told her a bitch.

159. A Child confessing.
A child confesses to Cure: tits she grabbed her grandmother, and the priest tells him that what that was? And the child answers: Yes, they are a fruit ices she sells.

158. On the Day of Lovers.
A friend tells another on Valentine's day: that how he managed to surprise his girlfriend on that day? And the other replied: Introduce your wife.

157. The Lord and egg.
A man who was walking her stick an egg and says why not throw me your mom? then they threw a chicken.

156.- A young man calling his girlfriend.
A Young calls his girlfriend on his mobile phone and says where are you my love? And she says to him here in the house, thinking of you, and you daddy, you're doing? I'm here in line at the hotel behind you. Seeing.

155.- Ranch-Girl looking for work.
A peasant girl looking for work tells the employer that she did not know to do anything, and the employer tells you that this was a only case. And he says the peasant: a no, I do know that do perfectly.

154. The Hen egg-laying.
A opens a hen egg and the chicken does not come out, nor opens another out, and nothing else opens. Then he says: That joke, this Rooster used a condom.

153. The Girl and her Mother.
A Girl tells the Mother that there came a woman who had taken her dad, and mom says, let's get out of here, maybe want to return.

152.- Call morning.
To a man call by phone at 3 am and asked if I was Yepeto? The Lord replied: No, but now I'm Yomío Yepeite, Pussy´e your maye.

151. Wine is Sacred.
Question: If someone came to this world and do not drink wine, what wine? I say.
150.- Galician Scholar.
A Galician says to another: Hey man, that the University of Galicia, is the best in the world, and the other responds, and that's why countryman: Well, look; Gallegos and there we went Doctors, Engineers, Astronauts, finally man.

149. Carnival and Easter.
Say that Carnival and Easter will sell necessities hotels. If they see there.

148.- Ladies Bathing.
Some Ladies bathe in a river and when they see a man approaching tell you not come to bother them, it was just a deadbeat voyeur, and the Lord says: A moment Young, I come to bring food to the crocodiles.

147. The Drunkard and the blow.
A Drunk going to his house at dawn a hit with a pole is given and says: I still missing two shots to reach the house.

146. The Oldies and taxi.
A couple of Oldies is in the middle of the road and a taxi driver tells them: old, take the stop, and the little old lady replies, but if you do not catch me lying.

145. The Mother in Law in the house.
Comes the mother to the house, and the Lord says to him, got him put the broom in the parking lot?

144. A Peasant shopping.
A farmer was in a pharmacy buying frequency because the doctor had recommended bathing with this medicine.

143.- Goods.
In the market they are selling cheap milk and eggs, beans you take them out.

142. The Prisoners browsing.
Some prisoners in a prison ship were drowned because they drilled a Tunnel in the boat.

141. Judas always be Judas.
San Pedro for a party led Cocaine, San Pablo: Stone, San Juan: Marijuana, San Jose: LSD, and Judas bring them again to the Police.
140. A Peasant giving birth to a Child.
A peasant was upset because having a child, the doctor told him he had given her oxygen and she wanted another name.

139. The Drunk and Ugly Lady.
A drunken man tells a woman: Ugly Lady Farewell, brave woman turns and says, and your drunk, and the man says, yes, but I removed myself tomorrow.

138. The Innkeeper responsible.
In the restaurant a client tells the waiter that there was a dead fly in his soup, and
the innkeeper replies: you, excuse me sir, but I will put it alive..

137.- A Good Innkeeper.
In the restaurant a client tells the waiter that the chicken had served him longer than the other leg, and the waiter replied that if he wanted a chicken dance.

136. The Indian Drunk.
A drunk is driving a vehicle, the arrow is eaten and crashes. The police asked him if he did not see the arrow? And the Drunkard replied: but if I did not see the Indian that threw me.

135.- The Fox and the Hound.
A fox asks why a dog crying? The dog tells his girlfriend was a fox, and the fox replied: Do not worry my girlfriend is a bitch.

134. The Nutty Professor.
The list passing the teacher says: Whore Cabrona, and the student responds, is Ramona Cabrera teacher present.

133.- Drive carefully.
If they will not ingest liquor drive vehicles. If they are going to drink alcohol, they call me.

132.- The monkey in the tree.
A monkey in a tree branch sees pass a lion and says Leona glasses, stupid, go back to fuck you right here. That branch is broken and the monkey falls next to the Lion and said: My friend, one drunk if you speak straw.

131. A Child at a wake.
A child in a wake tells his grandmother: soon in this room.
130.- An Old Man in Pharmacy.
An old man in a pharmacy buying Viagras, and ask if you have the récipe? And the old man replied: no, the sick.

129.- The Drunk do not go.
A drunk walks past a wake and listen to some girls crying and screaming: do not go, do not go, do not go, and the drunk says: of course I'm pichirres, here do not give liquor to one.

128. The Mother in law, Son in law.
Daughter, your Husband came home drunk last night well and made me what he wanted, and the daughter says, but you did not say anything? And Mom responds: you know that man I do not talk.

127.- Feel Full.
Notice to all persons having a vacuum: they can go through the brewery to buy it or exchange it for a full one.

126. The Drunk and back.
A drunkard touches the back of a lady and she turns and says. You will be wrong. And the drunk says, I'm not gonna say that I was not touched you back.
Stubborn 

125.- Parrot.
A man gets to a parrot that had persisted in a can, cover the can and begins to give sticks, punches, throw, and the good time you open the can, and get the parrot and says happened old, you did not feel the sheath?

124. A Lady without bra.
A Braless Lady enters the church and the priest tells him he could not get well. She replied that she had the divine right and the priest says, and left too but can not get well.

123.- The Old Lady and the Church.
A little old lady in the Church tells another that had the back asleep. And the other replied that he already knew because he had heard snoring.

122. A taxi Old Man.
An old man asks a girl if passed taxis and the girl tells him that if he wanted it stopped, and the old man replied: perfectísimo.

121.- The boy in love.
A boy tells the father that had all the girls crazy block for him. And the father replied: that's my son, just like me, and that's how Dad? Lying son.
 
120.- The Bridegroom is gone.
The husband says bravo: I go to where the harlots. And the wife says, now if you want to go where his family.

119.- Begging hand.
The suitor tells the father: come to ask the hand of his daughter, and Mr. tells him. But you can and keep a family? Of course. A Well, here we are 12 around, agree, okay, you can with that?

118. Man and shock.
A guy he explains to another that some thugs were killing him blows and the other tells him. But not retaliated and you? And the guy responds, of course, if I do not come kill me.

117. The Midwife and Daughters.
Hello comadre, as are their daughters? Comadre, Crispula not improve, always loose and on the street, however Bambarita always asentadita, that's from here to the Whore-House and vice versa.

116.- Mastering women.
Dad, Dad, teach me to dominate women. Wait to finish sweeping the whole house.

115.- A Madman telephoning.
A crazy telephoning and asks, please, talk to the loony bin? And they answer: No, here we have no phone.

114. Medical Examinations.
A gay goes to the lab to be tested for wobbling and asked if had taken and replies and here one can not take ?.

113.- The Elephant and the Ant.
An elephant helps a little ant to cross the river to reach the other side the Hormiguita says: thanks. And the elephant says, nothing like that, get off the Little Blumers.

112. The Drunk and Old Lady.
A drunkard hear a little old lady telling another: no girl there, the Lord has not called me, and the drunk replies, pussy, it has to be that busy.

111. The Drunk Home.
A Drunkard goes home at dawn, he sits down to rest and see that all the houses you pass through the front, then says: I will wait out the mine.
110. A good Gesture.
To a Man you are lost a bale of tickets 20.000.oo, and other approaches him and tells him. Sir, are you When you lost money? Yes. Ah well, here's the liguita.

109. The Drunkard and the Cure.
A Drunkard tells the priest: Hey, Father, it is you who turns away women of bad life.? And the Father says, yes, that's my son. and the Drunkard says: A good, selections me 3 for Saturday.

108.- Change Color.
The First Color change was Mickael Jackson, first black and then white.

107.- covered.
Compliments knife told a spoon and it did not stop him, and says the knife: as not to listen.

106. In the Mass.
The priest at Sunday Mass says, now let's confess to the Devout, and says a lady: and why not to sandals?

105.- at the Airport.
At the airport there are two Gays and one says to the other: there mana, come from Dallas Texas, and the other responds, there mana, I come to give the of sitting.

104. Parent to Child.
Dad tells his daughter that he had done had no name, and the daughter replies, which put it in 9 months very beautifull..

103.- Want to Be good.
To be well needed: a woman who treats you well, another who has money and one that serves you well. And none is known.

102.- A Madman drowning.
A Madman was drowning in the pool Loca madhouse and buzzes to save him. After a while the Doctor tells the Mad. Mad hanged himself He saved you? No, I put it to dry.

101.- The Invisible Man.
Doctor, the Invisible Man requests out there, and Doctor responds, tell that now I can not see.
100.- At a Funeral.
A Priest said at the Funeral that the deceased was the best person in the world, the best Christian, and the widow tells the Child: go see if we are in your dad's Funeral.

99. The secretary and her boss. (In Spanish).
The secretary asks the Chief V, Viernes? that what is written, and the Chief says, set them all on Monday.

98.- Reading Problems. (In Spanish).
Lord, give me 2 Chinchurrias and 2 Hallacas. Excuse me sir, but there says: Chinchorros and hamacas.

97.- Pants for sale.
pants sold. If looks expensive, you can get on and pay in 4.

96.- A San Nicolas bad.
St. Nicholas became very bad, ate a reindeer and entered kicking a Dwarf.

95.- A Free Country.
This is a free and democratic country, everyone can do what he sends his wife.


94.- Sn Roque. healthy. A famous phrase.
To prevent epidemics have to ask San Roque, that the plague will not touch you.

93. In the Agency Lotteries.
A Lotteries agency comes a guy and says, pay me wins with 38, and the clerk tells you that 38 not out. And the guy says, is already out.

92.- The young lover.
A guy falling in love a lady says to him, I know my love washing, ironing, washing, babysitting, and she responds, then get yourself a husband.

91. Letter to Baby Jesus.
When I was little baby Jesus could not read, I brought what I could. He learned to read now that I'm an adult.
90. Ideally, die asleep.
That will be true whether a person dies sleeping when the sun rises?

89.- La Cockroach Dancer.
A Cockroach was dancing like crazy and another asks what dance music? And it says: Insecticide.

88. The girls are not punished.
Mom, you punish them for something I did not do? and it responds, how I'll punish you if you do nothing, then the girl says, well, I did not do the tasks.

87. The call of the jungle.
Hello, is Conchita? Not, with Tarzan.

86. The knowledge and power.
If youth knew and the Elders could, else out.

85.- A man looking for gifts.
A man looking gift for his wife and the saleswoman told: if you want I show him the panties? And the Lord says, okay, but first seek the gift.

84. The Ladies and their diets.
A Lady recommends another do the diet of the 8 blocks and asks if it should be green or red? And the lady says: No ma'am, 8 blocks away.

83.- The Ladies and their Medicines.
Friend, give me medicine to see if it heals friend to sell. And you think you buy it?

82. You have to trust in God.
God alone is trusted. Everyone is searchable.

81.- The ideal situation.
The ideal situation is to have women that your wife thinks you have, have the money that everyone thinks you have, be as good as it should be.
80.- The Carpenter and The Doctor.
A Carpenter lost an ear in an accident in the workshop and the Doctor's place and going back to the carpenter says, that's not my ear, mine had a Pencil.

79. Speaking Languages.
How mother say in Russian? The way.

78.- A Thief in the Restaurant.
A Thief enters a restaurant and says this is a Holdup, and for a client account-Facture with your bill in hand and says this too.

77.- Two Gays fighting.
Two gays fought in the Metro because one said to the other man who had face.

76.- The Drunk and Ice.
A drunk Ron hears the ice damages the liver, the Wisky ice damages the kidneys, the White Cane ice damages the brain and says: I do not drink more Liquor with Ice. What drink without ice.

75. The Motorized Wife.
A guy tells another that his wife spends with a motor, and the guy replies, but you have not noticed if it gets helmet, please.

74.- The Husband and Mother.
One guy says to another: My mother treats me like a god and the other responds, and how is that? He knows that I exist but I can not see.

73. The Child home.
A child comes home and tells the mother that why at school told him distracted? And the lady says, but if you live there front.

72.- The Vatican Reported.
The Vatican said the Nun who became Pregnant Startled be called.

71.- The Chief considered.
A boss tells an employee: I know that the salary is not enough to get married but you'll thank me someday.
70.- The Doctor considered.
The Doctor gave a patient 6 months and as he had not paid him, gave him 6 months.

69.- A Lady intrigued.
Doctor: I did not know that breast exam was done with the tongue.

68. Drunk or Alcoholic.
Some people prefer not to be famous drunks and alcoholics anonymous.

67.- The groom if he loved.
The groom tells the bride: for you would be able to cross the Atlantic swimming, and the bride responds, and why did not you come yesterday? And he says, is that it was drizzling.

66.- The Husband for Help.
A guy tells another: friend help me, my wife now goes from bar to bar, and the other says, and why? Looking for me.

65.- The Invisible Man.
The Invisible Man looking for a transparent woman to do some things unseen.

64. The child and the Devil.
A child tells the Devil that I had were the horns ornaments, because he was not married.

63. A Farmer with pain.
A Ranch-Man asks the Doctor why every part that was played was in pain and the doctor responds, is that you have a broken finger.

62.- Three Kings.
Hi, I'm Melchor, I'm back nothing of drunkenness I grabbed yesterday with Balta and Gaspy. The camels we went with some donkeys. I do not think it arrive on time. But just in case, Happy Three Kings Day.

61.- The Liquor is not good.
When you go to leave the liquor, take me your bottles for my home.

60. Peasants and the moon.
Two Farmers watching the moon and you say, why is it that the astronauts always go to the moon, never the Sun and the other says, is that always go at night.

59. The Child Big Mouth.
A child tells the mother that at school they tell Big Mouth and mom answers: Do not listen my son and take off that Plate of The Mouth.

58. The inquisitive man.
A man asks another: that's the Moon friend? And the other replies: Hey friend does not know because I'm not from here.

57. Ladies and Burly.
Some ladies see a Strongman lifting weights and tell him goodbye Muralla (wall), and the burly answers: no walls, Mireya.

56.- The Drunk and Orange Juice.
A drunk sees a lady with very Large Breasts and asks, excuse me Miss, none of these Bottles is: Orange Juice.

55.- The Drunk and the Procession.
A Drunk sees the procession of a Saint, and decides to help load, in that the Priest says: my children, the hope in Paradise, and the Drunk replies: No friend, came to the Next Corner.

54.- The Ugly Child.
A child was born so Ugly that should start walking as at 4 months. Nobody was carrying.

53.- A Drunk hungry.
A Drunk see a Child Sucking Boob, and says: let's change Little Friend food, I've been here a Big Soup.

52.- The Patient and the Doctor.
A Patient tells the Doctor that no one was paying attention and Doctor says, happens next.

51. Man Married.
A guy tells another: friend, I'm getting married. And the other replied: cool and Who'? remember the very pretty and good body Blonde who lived next to my house? Of course. A good with her Brother.
50. The Innkeeper good.
A customer calls urgently Innkeeper and tells him that he was stifling a fly in the soup, and the waiter replies, but do something, shoot a lifesaver.

49.- A Innkeeper surprised.
A customer calls and says Innkeeper there was a fly swimming and the waiter responds in his soup: and swim? Cool.

48. The Centipede in distress.
Insect friends come looking for the centipede rushed to party and Centipede tells them to wait a Little moment not get the shoes.

47.- Portuguese friend.
One Lord asks a Portuguese that if it was of Madeira and the Portuguese replied: No sir, it is Madeira Pinocchio.

46. ​​Lotteries.
A man sees a friend and you want to sell some numbers Lotteries and the friend replies: Hey friend, excuse me, I have no luck to play terminals, note that once were raffling off 99 ladies and a man and I won the man .

45.- The Child pigheaded.
A child asks why the mom at school told him pigheaded? And mom replies, not listen to them and comb your hair the soccer ball.

44. Speaking Japanese. 
How to say 99 in Japanese? Cachichen (almost hundred).

43. The Problem Patient.
Doctor, why everyone wants to have a Problem with me? I do not know friend, but if you are Asking for trouble here, you can go. Next Please.

42. Speaking Languages.
How Mirror say in Chinese? Aitoi (There I am).

41. The Old Woman and Old Man.
A Old Lady tells his Oldie: love, do not hit me because you have to urinate, and grabbed Old Man vasenilla and gave him a Glass Bed.

40.- Navy Military Academy.
A Gentleman will be delivered to Military Service in the Navy, and Secretary asks him if he knew how to Swim? And the gentleman replied: swimming how that is? But and here they do not give one boat?

39. Borrowed money.
A friend is asking you to another borrowed money and he tells you that is not going to take a long time with borrowed money and he replies: Do not worry about it, and I will spend it.

38. We call Eve.
A gentleman tells his girlfriend that will be called Eva by his first wife, and she replies, and I'll call you Dalmatian, as the number 101.

37.- nothing.
A young man asks another how he's doing in his new job and he replies that how a fish in water, and the young man says, and how that is, what are you doing? And the friend answers: Nothing.

36. Begging hand.
A young man goes to his girlfriend's house and tells the father of the young man come to ask the hand of his daughter, and Mr. tells him what, most or the least? and the young man replies, but why that? 2 hands no equal.

35. Baby crying.
The Baby is crying and the lady tells her Husband: my love, change, and the Husband responds, and you think we can ask for it.

34. Sick of Nerves.
The Lady called the bridegroom to the mobile phone and said: Daddy, I gave you pills nerves instead of saying diarrhea, how you doing? And the husband responds, totally relaxed but I'm all screwed up.

33.- Lost Child.
The Husband tells his Wife: Mom, give me the Baby, and the wife responds, wait till I cried, and the Husband asks, but why should I wait for crying? And the lady replied: is he missed me.

32. Sleeping.
A Child is sleeping in Class and another classmate says, Little Pepe, school can not sleep, and the Child responds: as be able to sleep with that To talk a lot.

31.- Drunk in the Bathroom.
The Drunk gets to bed at dawn and tells his Wife: Hey Mom, I've been Crazy, I went to the Toilet to urinate and the light went on alone, and the Woman responds, and you peed in the fridge.
30.- The Drunk Pepe.
A Drunk comes home in the morning and the lady asks where it comes Pepe?, and the drunk replied: where is coming Pepe, as you know, that everyone knows, comes of the name "Jose".

29. The Teacher in class.
The Teacher asks a Child as you would your Girlfriend decently if I should go to the Toilet to urinate? And the Child responds: easy Teacher, mom, excuse me, girlfriend, I must go to see a friend that soon you'll meet him.

28.- El Drunk and Lady.
A Drunk is urinating in the street and passes a Lady and says that beast, that Animal, that Horror, that Monster, and the Drunk replied: pass quiet Lady, who got caught.

27. Among Drunk.
They are two Drunks drinking and one says to the other: hear Godfather, it is better that you not follow more drinking because it's getting very blurred.

26. The Son in law  and her mother.
A guy tells another: friend, going to sell my cheap mother, and the other responds, no friend, for that lady do not give you anything, and the guy says: ready, we did business, it's all yours, take her .

25. The Brawny and coffee.
A very Strongman, very Ugly, and decent and respectful burly comes to a small cafe and tells the waiter: please, an Little Express, and ordered Innkeeper: get a Little Express for the lady.

24.- The drunk and clown.
A drunk comes home all full of lipstick everywhere and the woman asks, and that painting, that you were drunk ?, and replied: no, nothing Mommy, is that I fell to death with a clown.

23. The salidor Drunk.
A Drunk riding in a taxi in the morning and tells the taxi driver to take you to a place where women want to leave, then the driver took him to the women's prison.

22.- Falls.
A friend asks another: hey friend how is everything, how's your dad? And the other replied: my dad, he died, Niagara, and the friend replies, but because in the operation ?, and the other says, no, he was pushed.

21.- Rag Doll.
A Girl tells her mother to buy him a rag doll, and the mother replied that is very nice to be humble tastes, and the girl says, nothing humble mother, is that my Barbies need a maid.
20.- El Galician and the Thief.
A Thief intercepts a Galician, and says that if you have nothing of value, and Galician replied that he has never had anything of value, which has always been a Big Coward.

19.- Galician Confession.
A Galician is confessing and the priest says, my son, Pray, and says Galician: but Father, at this time I have no watch.

18.- Not become Pregnant.
A Lady tells her best Friend: Hey Friend, I have to watch a lot of getting pregnant, and the other replies, but girl, if your Husband is sterile, and tells the lady: for this reason, friend, exactly.

17.- Galician Pains.
A Galician goes to the doctor because he has a pain in one leg, and the Doctor says that's an age thing, and Galician answers: but if the other is the same age, and does not hurt me.

16. Among old Ladies.
An old Woman tells another that her Husband has become a Beast in Bed, and the other asks you why that little old Lady?, and says, yes, it is now every Night Urine marking his Territory.

15. The Drunkard and his Son.
A Child tells another that his dad comes every night to join many drinks, the other replied that if it's because he drinks a lot, and the Child says, no, that brings them a Bar.

14. El Galician and The Dentist.
A Man goes to the dentist Galician and he reviews it and says he will have to get seven teeth, then Mr. asks if it hurt much? And he answered Galician: Well, sometimes if I Muscle cramp a little hand.

13.- Old Lady Galician.
An old Woman tells another that her 90 years old, still works, and the other asks, and you can do your wife? And the little Old Lady replied: well my daughter, take care.

12. Galicia's.
Two Galician are talking and one says to the other: Hey Woman, her Girl next Door has already been removed as 70 kilos, and another asks, and as has been Women, many diet? And the other answers: no, the Husband has gone.

11. Among Ladies.
A Lady asks another: Hey friend, that you look like you men, with the undertakers cemetery ?, and the other replies: I have no idea friend, what ?, and tells the other: it is that only our bodies are concerned.
10. The Galician and Elephants.
A Galician explains to another needed more than 1,000 elephants to the keys of the piano, and the other responds, it is amazing what you can learn to do the Elephants.

9. Galician cold.
A Galician stood to one side of the stove shivering cold, and the woman says, Manolo hear, because you stopped there ?, and replied Manolo: it is that I have very cold woman, and tells the woman, but then turn it on, man.

8. The Galician Eating.
A Galician tells his wife: Hey Woman, sausages you have given me are very hot, and the Wife responds: be careful not to put go to fight, man, you know.

7. Galician cooking.
The son tells his mother Galician: mother're cooking spaghetti that are sticking, and responds Mom: Do not worry my son, let them fuck, cunt.

6. Concerned Galician.
The Little Galician tells his mother: Hey mom, I've cut the finger, and the mother replied: Do not worry my son, stand a Band-Aid, and tells the Child: that's good Mother, but I do not know where it has fallen.

5. Galician analyzed.
The Little Galician tells his mother: Hey mother, if Father God gives us food, if the stork brings children, and if the Magi bring us toys, which makes my dad?

4. Photographer Galician.
A Galician is on maternity taking photos of her newborn son and the nurse says, very nice gentleman, happy with her first child ?, and answers Galician: happy yes ma'am, but not my first son, is my first chamber.

3. Galician ill.
A Galician tells another: Hey Manolo, have told me that your daughter walks with Gonorrhea, and responds Manolo: my friend, I told her to set who go, and that's her thing.

2. Old Man Galician.
A Galician Old Man says to another: hear my friend, I have eighty-odd years, and says the other: what a coincidence man, I also have 80, but the reality is that no peak at all.

1. A Child is Light.
A Boy asks his dad: Dad, who is love ?, and dad replied: love is the light of life, son, and returns the Child to question, and that is Marriage, Dad? A good son, Marriage is the bill that comes later.
Notes:
a) Please can you send your jokes, or jokes to share the E-mail or e-mail: Amedrondon@gmail.com Tank You. Thank you.
I will respect the name of the joke, and please write the name of the country of origin. Thank you so much.



b) Also remember, you can see another group of jokes in my other page Blogger: JOKES, CHISTES, REVIEWS, SPORT, TODAY, AMED. Thank you.

Response to the Dilemmas:
NOTE, BLUSH, GLORIA, PRICE, TRIBUNO
165.- Burro-Donkey, Ratón-Mouse, Gorilla, Perico, Shark and Firefly.
172. The new Long Name.
182.- Fresa-Strawberry, Parchita-Passion Fruit, Lechoza, Limón-Lemon, Guayaba-Guava, Naranja-Orange, and Albaricoque-apricot.
C__ LO, P___TAS, S___XO, P___NE, TE___AS. I hope to answer. (Solution at the end).
185. If the completions were not: CELO-ZEAL, PONE-PAWS, SAXO-SAX, and PATAS-PUTS, and TEMAS-THEMES, your problems are others, Alzahimer is not.
194. Who he was Inside.