a) Please can you send your jokes to share the E-mail or e-mail: Thank Amedrondon@gmail.com.
I will respect the name of the joke, and please put me the country of origin. Thank you so much.
b) Also remember, you can see another group of jokes in my other page Blogger: JOKES, CHISTES, REVIEWS, SPORT, TODAY, AMED. Thank you.
JOKES DRUNKARD
A Lady, who trying to grab a garment, the clothesline, falls on the second floor, and falls into the dumpster, and is faint. And a drunkard who comes to review the Trash, for getting there useful, go to the swooning woman, gets to touch it everywhere, and says God, but if this woman is still good, then Drunk cleared as Container could, and went with the woman on the shoulder.
69.- The Drunken Monster.
A Borracho is urinating on the Plaza, and passes a lady, and says that Barbaro, who Beast, Brutus, that animal, and tells the Drunkard: quiet lady, pass, pass, and I will have grasped
68.- The Drunk on the Country.
A Drunk is urinating on the Country, and a policeman comes up to him, and says that if you are very nice, and answers the Drunkard: and that you have not seen it quite Talcum, Mr. Police.
67.- The Drunkard and the Keys.
A Drunk Early morning comes to your door, find the key, try to open the door, and the door does not open, and so continues to insist until a policeman arrives and says happens Citizen ?, and Drunk replied: nothing, sir Police, is that this is my home and I'm opening the door with the key, and the door will not open, and tells the police: but that is no key, sir, that's a suppository, and he tells the Drunkard: but by God, then where have brought them the key?
66.- The Drunk and Son.
A Child tells another that his dad comes every night to join many drinks, and the other responds, and that's why friend, drink a lot ?, and the Child answers: no, it is that brings them the Bar , the Tavern.
65.- The Drunk seeing double.
A drunk goes to the Doctor all bruised and battered, and says he came seeing double, he saw coming two bulls and had two windows, and the Doctor says, but good, and that has to do with his punches? , I explain Doctor, I just threw it out the window that was not, and the bull ran over me if it was.
64.- The Drunk Hungry.
A drunk sees a baby sucking his titty to her mother and says, hey buddy, let's change the food, I bring here some spaghetti.
63. The Monster and the Monstrua.
He comes the monster and tells the Monstrua: we will make an eyesore, and the Monstrua responds: I can not, I have the monstruatión.
62.- The Drunk Gay.
At a meeting of Drunken one of them he says: I would like to be Gay, and the others respond: you are stupid ?, Gay ?, Fool ?, Madman ?, or bites you back ?, and says Drunk: Fuck, but if they do requirements needed to get to Gay.
61.- Drunken Association.
Successfully you can say that has created the Association of Popular Drunk; that is, if someone does not want to drink, they go and offer few drinks, until you pass discouragement, until you remove it.
60. Gay in Switzerland.
A gay goes stroll through the Swiss Alps, and see a sign that says Snow conditions:
Neuchatel. 14 cms, soft
Lausanne. 19 cms, slippery
Sachauffhausen: 15 cms, solid.
And then the Gay, lets written underneath:
PEPE: 20 cms, and hard as stone.
59.- The Drunk and The Lady Dear.
The Drunk dawn arrives and the Wife says, it's time to get, drunk, that's for sure that you were with The Dear Lady, and answers the Drunkard: Dear Lady No, I love Her.
58.- A Drunk on a bridge.
A Drunk on a bridge watching the river shouting a whale, a whale. And a man who passed says, sir, how will it be a whale in a river? And the drunk replies: Yes, there are two cans of beer and a full.
57. Wine is Sacred.
Question: If someone came to this world and do not drink wine, what wine? I say.
56.- Carnival and Easter.
Say that Carnival and Easter will sell necessities hotels. If they see there.
55.- El Borracho and stroke.
A Borracho going to his house at dawn a hit with a pole is given and says: I still missing two shots to reach the house.
54.- The Drunk and Ugly Lady.
A Drunken man tells a Woman: Ugly Lady Farewell, brave Woman turns and says: and your, Drunk, and the Drunk man says: yes, but I removed myself tomorrow.
53.- The Drunk Indian.
A Drunk is driving a vehicle, the arrow is eaten and crashes. The Police asked: him if he did not see the arrow? And the Drunkard replied: If I saw that the Indian threw me.
52. Drive carefully.
If they will not ingest liquor drive vehicles, and if they are going to drink alcohol, they call me.
51.- The Drunk do not go.
A Drunk walks past a wake and listen to some girls crying and screaming: do not go, do not go, do not go, and the Drunk says: of course I'm selfish, here do not give Liquor to one.
A Drunk guy goes to a Funeral Urn and, seeing the deceased begin to say: we are nothing, we are nothing, we are nothing. A Mourner of the deceased, approached him and said to him: Sir, that the deceased was you? No, I am saying Nothing, we are nothing.
49.- feel full.
Notice to all persons having a vacuum: they can go through the brewery to buy it or exchange it for a full one.
48.- The Drunk in the Church.
A Drunk stops at the door of the church and the priest, pointing to he says, for you I was crucified, the drunk stops at another door and again the priest points out and says for you was tortured, and the drunkard is going to another part of the Church and to move his hands the priest moves the candelabra and nearly burning the Christ, and says the drunkard: Aha, Aha, not that I.
47. The Drunk and Child.
A drunkard enters the church, stands before God and says: friend help me, I need. The priest sees this and behind the Holy lets you drop a few coins. The drunkard got used, always he came. The priest thought: No. Up Here. He removed God and put the baby Jesus. He reached the drunk already used to, does not see God but the baby Jesus and tells the child: friend, your dad would not let me coins you?
46. The Drunk and back.
A drunkard touches the back of a lady and she turns and says. You will be wrong. And the drunk says, I'm not gonna say that I was not touched you back.
45.- The Drunk and Old Lady.
A Drunkard hear a little old lady telling another: no girl there, the Lord has not called me, and the drunk replies, pussy, it has to be that busy.
44.- The Drunk Home.
A Drunkard goes home at dawn, he sits down to rest and see that all the Houses you pass through the front, then says: I will wait out the mine Huose.
43. The Drunkard and the Cura.
A Drunkard tells the priest: Father, it is you who turns away women of bad life.? And the Father says, that's my son. A good, apárteme 3 for Saturday.
42.- The ideal situation.
The ideal situation is to have women that your wife thinks you have, have the money that everyone thinks you have, be as good as it should be.
41.- A Thief in the Restaurant.
A Thief enters a Restaurant and says this is a Holdup, and for a Client account-Facture with your bill in hand and says this too.
A Drunk Ron hears the Ice damages the liver, the Wisky Ice damages the kidneys, the White Cane Ice damages the Brain and says: I do not drink more Liquor with ice, I'll drink dry.
.
39.- Wife Motorized.
A guy tells another that his Wife spends with a motor, and the guy replies, but you have not noticed if you use the Helmet, please, that anguish.
38. Drunk or alcoholic.
Some people prefer not to be famous drunks and alcoholics anonymous.
37.- The Drunk for Help.
A guy tells another: friend help me, my wife now goes from bar to bar, and the other says, and why? Looking for me.
36.- The Invisible Man.
The Invisible Man looking for a transparent woman to do some things unseen.
35.- Three Kings Magicians.
Hi, I'm Melchor, I'm back nothing of drunkenness I grabbed yesterday with Balta and Gaspy. The camels we went with some donkeys. I do not think it arrive on time. But just in case, Happy Three Kings Day.
34. Liquor is not good.
When you go to leave the liquor, take me your bottles for my home.
33.- The Drunk and Orange Juice.
A Drunk sees that comes a Lady with very Large Breasts, and intercepts it and asks, excuse me Miss, please, I could tell which of the two Cylinders is the Orange Juice ?.
32. The Drunkard and the Procession.
A Drunk sees the Procession of a Saint, and decides to help load, in that the Priest says: my children, there's hope in Paradise, and the drunk replies: No Friend, came to the next corner.
31. A Drunk Hungry.
A Drunk see a Child sucking Boob a your mother, and says: Hey, let's change Little Friend, food, I've been here a Big Soup.
A Drunkard gave him want to do Poop. It was getting to a dumpster, pants and interiors are low and climbing to the Container of Trash falls asleep. That spend another Drunks and when they see it, they say: Who will be launched that Rear, ass, I'll take me is mine.
29. The Drunk English.
A Drunken insistently touches the door of a house in the Early morning, and nobody attends because they were sleeping. Soon he touched again and again nobody attend, all sleeping. Soon returns to play and leaves the master of the house brave and says: happens friend why bother now? Excuse me sir, I come to ask if this is where they need someone who "speaks English"? If this is why, sir? And the drunk says: No, to tell you not tell me because I do not know Nothing, any English.
28.- The Drunken liar.
A Drunk was at a wake near the casket crying and shouting, why you take her to her? Take me. And that would repeat at every moment. That death appears to him and says, if you want me to take you, let's get drunk and then answers: You know that Drunk will not ignore.
27. A Drunk in Cockfight.
A Man enters a cockfight and wanted to bet all the money he had, and a drunkard asks: what was the good Cock, to bet all the money you brought? And the Drunk replied that the Cock Zambo was good. The Man will effectively bet everything brought to Cock Zambo. When you start the fight Cock Zambo ran across the court and the other rooster behind him until the other Cock caught and finished fast with the Cock Zambo and Man lost all the money and goes and asks the Drunkard that why she had told him that the Cock Zambo was good if it did not last all, and the Drunk replied: that he had asked the Cock Well, you not by Cock more Worse.
26 The Drunk and the Cab Door.
A drunkard into a taxi and trying to close the door, it would not close, try to close it again and would not close, then tells the driver: Hey Sir, taxi driver because this door will not close? The cabbie turns around and looks to see because they closed the door and says, but gets his foot, how will close if you're outside.
25.- The Drunk and Bat-Man.
A Drunk runs behind a person who has a coat and says: Please, I need your help, it is you who defends the defenseless and helpless Burglars? And he answered: No sir, I am a Nun of Charity, and the Drunk says, oh sorry, I thought he was Bat-Man.
24. Judas in the Desert.
Walking on a long journey, Jesus tells his disciples: My children, take every man a stone which consider the size of your sins and carry it on his shoulders in this holy pilgrimage. All disciples took a great stone, and set it as Jesus, Judas only took a stone that fit in the pocket of his robe and so followed the long road said. Coming to a river on the way, the disciples said to Jesus, Master, take water from the river but shall we eat? And Jesus answers them that the stone bring them become Instant Pan everyone ate a big piece of bread which had become his stone them.. A Judas course, he had to ask for more bread to others. To follow the way, Jesus tells them: Children, take again another stone and carry it on their proportional love with me shoulders. This time Judas took a stone of a very large size, almost could not go on the road with her. Having walked a very long way, and Judas almost could not continue the way and tells Jesus: Father, we will do with the stone we carry on our shoulders now, when the convert? And Jesus answers: No, nothing. Not remember you. They brought a stone, no no, let go of that already.
23. A Drunk with Defects.
A Drunk guy with some Little Defects and Notorious malformations, in your body, goes into a Bar and says to the Bar-man: please, pour me a Drink. The Bar-man gives the Drink, he takes everything at once and the Drunk says: friend, this drink miss me lose the body, and the Bar-man replied. No friend, you came with your body, I do not want any trouble .
22. The Chinese Tourist.
A Chinese Tourist has to Hungry but do not know the Language and did not know order, enters a Restaurant and see a man who is going to do, it is placed alongside and as the Lord says: give me a soup, Chinese says: me too, Mr. notices and says: bread you give me, and the Chinese repeated to me also, Mr. gets upset and says, and give me a Poop of this size, and says the Chinese: I no longer want more nothing, Enough so.
21. A Drunk in New York.
A Borracho reaches his people from New York and a friend asks you found it there in the north? And he answers: Hey boy, that over there is very nice, but there were 2 things I did not like, the first is the racial discrimination that there is very unfair, these swarthy they not deserve to be treated that way, and second worth, is that wherever one gets it is pure black, pure black, friend.
A Drunk will go to church and listen when the Priest says. And because of you, killed him and then the Drunk is returned and out of the church a little rushed and see a little old lady next coming and says: lady, you better not enter in there because they killed someone.
19. A Drunk at Mass.
A Drunk is listening to Mass and when the priest says: Christ comes, the Drunkard replied: that does not come, and the priest repeats, God does come, and repeats the Drunkard: that does not come, the priest gets upset and says: call the police to bring this disturbing, and says the Drunk: that if it comes, I go.
18.- The Drunk on the Bus.
A Drunk enters a bus very early in the morning and says kindly: Very Good morning to all, and no one answers, as was wrong gas in the stomach let out a gas very freely and instantly all aboard the bus told him all kinds of insults by wrongdoing, and says the drunkard is that I thought there was nobody here.
17. Borrowed money.
A Drunk is asking you to another borrowed money and he tells you that is not going to take a long time with borrowed money and he replies: Do not worry about it, and I will spend it.
16.- The Drunk in the Bathroom.
The Drunk gets to bed at dawn and tells his wife: Hey mom, I've been crazy, I went to the toilet to urinate and the light went on alone, and the woman responds, and you peed in the fridge.
15.- The Drunk Pepe.
A drunk comes home in the morning and the lady asks where it comes Pepe, and the drunk replied: where is coming Pepe, and thou must know, that knows everyone, Pepe comes from name Jose.
14. The Drunkard and the Lady.
A Drunk is urinating in the street and passes a lady and says that beast, that Animal, that Horror, that Monster, and the Drunk replied: pass quiet lady, who got caught.
13.- The Drunk dawn.
A Drunk goes home at dawn and police stops him and asks where he is going? And the Drunk replied that was a talk of irresponsibility, bad examples, and alcohol abuse, and tells the police: and who will give that talk, and the drunk replies, my lady.
12- Drunkenness.
A drunken man tells another that he has a talking duck, and the other is surprised and tells him he can not be, and he replied: let's go home for you to see. Arriving at the house out the duck and the drunk says, find me shoes, and the duck says quack, quack, and the drunk replies, which will be the usual ones, those who are under the bed.
11. Between Drunks.
They are two drunks drinking and one says to the other: hear compadre, it is better that you not follow more drinking because it's getting very blurred..
The Brawny, and looking Crazy, very decent, and respectful burly comes to a Small Cafe and tells the waiter: please an Small Coffe, and ordered Innkeeper: get a Small Coffe for the Lady.
9. A Child asking.
The Child asks dad: Dad, as you know when a person is Drunk? And the father replied: Come here my son, listen to, when a person is Drunk is already seeing double, I'll explain, you see those two women who come there? And the child answers: what two dad, if only comes.
8. The Nice Drunk.
A drunk asks another why he liked so much drink liquor to get drunk, and the other replied that he is so he feels more handsome, more interesting, more beautiful, and then the other friend says, and how do you know you you wear those forms ?, and drunk says, that's for sure friend, notice that when I get to my home drunk my wife says to me very nice.
7. Physical Drunk.
In a gathering drunken, all discussed their knowledge, their logic, their skills, in that interrupts one of them and says: Let's see how much you know: tell me, which is faster between the speed of light and desire shitting ?, in that is created in the table an environment of questions and landing nets account and get the most physical of all and explains that he should be the speed of light because it travels not know how many light years second and so on, and the drunk intercepts it and says, and stop talking friend, you are mistaken, I mean, once I felt like shit and went to the bathroom and as I turned on the light was already cagao.
6. Drunken for the House.
They are two drunks taking in the morning and one says to the other: Friend, come to my house to keep taking there, and the other says no, better let's get to the mine and continue on mine, then they go walking and get a house you say, here is mine, go in, and says the other: how than yours, this is mine, let's go in and knock on the door and leaves the lady and says now if it is true, very nice father and son taking brandy together.
5. The Drunkard and the clown.
A Drunk comes home all full of lipstick everywhere and the woman asks, and that painting, that you were drunk ?, and replied: no, nothing Mommy, is that I fell to death with a clown.
4. When you're stuck Drunk.
A drunk asks another: Hey friend, you when you get to your home drunk your wife does not hit you ?, and the other responds, not a friend, it makes me like the exorcist, and the other says, and how that ?, and he replies: well, she gives me a sermon and I come and vomiting.
3. The Drunken wants out.
A Drunk riding in a Taxi in the morning and tells the taxi driver to take you to a place where Women want to leave, then the driver took him to the "Women's Prison".
2. THE BIGGEST PARTY EVER TOLD. Story.
One day God woke up very happy and excited, with good humor, well trained, how easy it showed, and to celebrate that fact that made Millennia not happen, decreed that day a General Party, and the celestial country holding it was a fact.
Knowing what decreed by the Eternal Father himself, friends of Hell, coleados were introduced. The first to arrive was the devil, as always, disguised with a very beautiful wig, but grabbed Luke had just happened. He had not even realized what happened, when it strikes a great whoop and a horrible curse, was that the Holy in question already had submitted. And the Devil said: this action is very maluca, because not let him go, he told the annoying San Lucas Diablo.
I'll try to give you an idea of what was experienced that day in Heaven:
Except the Devil, it is understood that all up there were Santos.
There were couples of Santos, which were started only when the Party, not later.
Gregory, could not stop, the revelry was total,
Peter, Paul, Chucho, Jacinto, and Joseph, playing dominoes,
Matthew had a sore finger,
Santa Catalina, and Santa Guillermina: eating catalinas, and tangerines, and dancing like chickens, and when I was thirsty, came and drank water in a pimpina,
Santa Teresa: left nothing on the table,
Santa Genoveva: telling another: drink, drink,
San Genovevo: if he said no, I do not drink,
St. Barnabas if saying, 'if I go baby,
San Angulo: there was nowhere to sit,
San Cayetano: with an itchy arm,
Santa Filomena: it was her best, looked like a baby,
San Pancrasio walked so full of everything, that sickening,
San Patricio: the face very serious and very decent,
St. Jude: throwing joke and joke,
San Tomé: passing with coffee,
Santa Ana de Barbanolas: was up to his ears,
Santa Maria Magdalena: all tousled his hair.
San Federico just shouted: 'this if you are rich !!!,
San Luis: doing something in the bathroom.
San Gerund: up and down with San Abundio,
San Apascacio: nobody paid attention,
Santa Ruperta: all stop party was in the bathroom, at the door,
San Augusto: giving taste,
San Ramiro: he stated: "I did not look nearly"
Santa Prudencia: always very cautious,
Santa Rosa was with some roses,
Holy Mary, and I had not tasted any food.
And the Devil said again: this joke is very maluca for the next I do not return or invite me, this happened to me, nobody resists. No one was spared in the celebration, it was fun. In the end, nobody wanted to leave. When you finish this Pachanga so fine, they all went to the corner where there was a cantina. And later, more calmly, all they relaxed their souls, blessings they lay, and said that the next "cocktail party" is not lost, that would be there. So it is demonstrated friends, to celebrate a good day, without so many mysteries and dissimulation, we all enjoy, not to spoil ourselves.
1. THE END OF THE FIRST MILLENNIUM. Story.
The End of the First Millennium (Year 1000 d / C) of the Christian era.
As the end of the year 2000 for the year end there were many questions, doubts, fears, and is logical since everyone has not lived those mentioned dates.
As we all know, there are true laity, and also people who actually attend Mass on Sundays, and even many others participate in religious celebrations, processions, with steadfastness and adherence to them. Really the minority group.
Also there is another vast majority will only masses for any need, christenings, weddings, first communions, etc., and we can give a reasonable idea, family, celebration, drinks.
And so, there is another group, perhaps the majority, who did not go to church, but he was taken to christen loaded, and there is what they know of Christianity.
It happens that by the end of the first millennium, not known for certain whether the world would still spinning, if continue life on earth, or would the Day of Judgement.
So in this case it is waiting and everyone turned Layman. Actually in the Church at 12.oo night December 31 of the year 1000, there was only space in the Pulpit, and very little, so that the priest gave New Year's Mass.
The old women and old folks who are really always in church, listening to their masses, had no place for that moment in the house of God. As well accustomed girls in this sense, either.
Drunks, vagrants, tramps and vagabonds, atheists, everyone was at the forefront of the Church.
Everyone wanted to save.
There was no one else. It was impossible to enter the Church. Only the curate, and that because it has an access to the rectory.
Friends, and we live the end of the year 2000, and we have an idea of what was experienced at the end of the year 1000, we expect that if we have the opportunity to be at the end of the year 3000, we will not make a painful spectacle.
Avoid problems and races last minute are Christians, do good and do not look at who.
Bye.
a) Please can you send your jokes to share the E-mail or e-mail: Thank Amedrondon@gmail.com.
I will respect the name of the joke, and please put me the country of origin. Thank you so much.
b) Also remember, you can see another group of jokes in my other page Blogger: JOKES, CHISTES, REVIEWS, SPORT, TODAY, AMED. Thank you.
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